DANIEL MBEGA

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

THIS IS WHAT MEN DO WANT!

BROTHER DANNY

Women often say that men confuse them and that they are unsure what a man is really looking for. They have tried to please them in the past and it hasn't worked so now, the man can concentrate on pleasing them or leave. If the media is to be believed, many women don't care what a man is looking for anymore because they have been empowered by their own sexuality and are comfortable in their new role as sexually liberated career woman in charge of their own destiny. In which case, as long as the man wants them, that is fine.

It doesn't matter whether that view is actually true or not. What is true is that the modern man is increasingly struggling to find his place in the world. The old male bastions are crumbling and with them their innate self respect as well as their understanding of how they should act and what they desire.

Any woman reading this may say well it's a problem for men and they should deal with it. Absolutely I can reply, but you cannot expect miracles instantly. Generations of history dictating a man's role and function cannot be decided and altered in the space of 20 years without some fallout. Few can argue against the excitement felt by women as their empowerment continues but at the same time, one must expect issues to coincide with this. And one of those as I said is the question of understanding what the modern man is looking for.

Men have started to evolve and are starting to grasp the fact that their role may not be as it once was. 'Starting' is the operative word because this does not mean that there aren't large swathes of the world where men insist on being the breadwinner and women should still remain at home rearing children. It is going to take a long time to change the world.

Okay so what does a man want? First of all a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right.

Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don't like women who weigh 60kgs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise.

Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.

Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.

Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.

Men want women with a great sense of humour. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is 'one of the boys'. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humour and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.

Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn't make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn't necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don't. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.

Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behaviour, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.

Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they're in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.

Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn't there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner.

Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there. Men don't want to be alone.

I think, for today, let me end here until next weekend. Let me wish you good weekend with your loved ones.

ENDS

No comments:

BECAUSE I'M A MAN...

Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I’m a man, I don’t think we’re all that lost, and no, I don’t think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger I mean, how the hell could he know where we’re going?

Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The answer is always either sex or football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don’t.

Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother’s day is okay, I don’t need to see it. And don’t forget to pick up something for my mommy, too!

Because I’m a man, I am capable of announcing, “one more beer and I really have to go”, and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I’ll be home soon, and no, I don’t understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. Like, what’s the connection?

Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t.

Because I’m a man, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.

Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I’m a man and this is, after all, the 90’s, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I’ll do the rest.

A SIMPLE GUIDE TO LIFE

1. Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

2. Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you’ll inhale a bee.

3. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.

4. If you don’t like my driving, don’t call anyone. Just take another road. That’s why the highway department made so many of them.

5. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

6. When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

7. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

8. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.

9. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four groups: the bonbon group, that salty-snack group, the caffeine group and the “What ever-it-is-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge”.

10. Into every life some rain must fall. Unusually when your car windows are down.

11. Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor’s car!

12. When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie.

13. This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That’s the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.

14. It’s a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

15. Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel. It’s a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.

16. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay in your land.

17. Love is like a roller coaster: When it’s good you don’t want to get off, and when it isn’t, you can’t wait to throw up.

DEDICATION TO YOUNG PEOPLE

Youth is a time of hope. Also of uncertainty. But for a person who is young and healthy, uncertainty just means a challenge. It is important to be positive. First of all about yourself. But also about your family and your people. As a unique person and each human being are unique, you have enormous potential. Because you have so much potential, people may sometimes feel negatively challenged by that potential and try to undermine it.

You have to fight for your right to make your place in society. To do that you have to use all the chances given you now to be a positive element in whatever situation you find yourself in, in future. So, it may be necessary to be a ‘rebel in reverse’ as it were. That takes real courage, to set your goal and stick to it. You choose your crowd. You exercise your right to choose.
Don’t lose your freedom for the sake of anyone. Real freedom, freedom to choose the right thing, the best for you.

Always bear a few things in mind while exercising your right to choose.

* Never take a decision when you are in a fit of anger or depression.
* Never take a decision when you are emotionally high.
* Why should fads or the decision of the group tie you down?
* What are you?
* What do you want tomorrow to be for you?

No matter how strong the group decision may be, you must think and make your decision. Many times it is necessary to consult before taking a decision. Go to someone whose life you admire, not necessarily the person you like most, but the person who is whole, who is one person, wherever she or he is and whatever she or he does.

* Remember that there is always tomorrow, and tomorrow is hope. Very few things are ‘written in stone’. Most of the mistakes we make can be rectified. They can be corrected. Problems have a solution, and each new day is a new start, a new chance, a New Hope. Indeed the youth are our hope you are our future.

Also remember that your parents love you unconditionally, you have their support and want the best in life for you ¨

COSTA VICTOR NAMPOKA

Mguu ulivyokatisha ndoto za kucheza soka Ulaya

DANIEL MBEGA
Dar es Salaam

NI majira ya saa 5.20 hivi asubuhi, niko hapa Ukonga-Banana nikiwania kupanda daladala la kwenda kwenye kitongoji cha Kitunda-Kibeberu, moja ya vitongoji vinavyokua kwa kasi hapa jijini Dar es Salaam.
Sijui ni umbali gani kutoka hapa, hivyo namuuliza dereva ambaye nimeketi naye pembeni yake. Ananiambia ni mwendo kama wa dakika 15 tu hivi. Nashusha pumzi kwa kujua kwamba kumbe si mbali sana kama nilivyofikiria.
Nawasili kwenye kitongoji cha Kibeberu, ambako ndiko magari yanakogeuzia, na bila kupoteza muda nampigia simu mwenyeji wangu kwamba tayari nimeshafika. Namhurumia huko aliko kama ataamua kuja kunipokea, lakini nafarijika anaponiambia kwamba nimuulize mtu yeyote hapo kituoni atanileta.
Watoto wawili wanajitolea kunipeleka nyumbani kwa mwenyeji wangu, ambaye namkuta akiwa kajilaza kwenye kochi akizungumza na rafiki zake wawili waliomtembelea. Anapenda kuketi vizuri, lakini hali haimruhusu.
“Poleni jamani kwa safari ndefu!” ndivyo anavyoanza kusema huyu mwenyeji wangu, ambaye si mwingine zaidi ya mlinzi mahiri wa timu ya soka ya Taifa, Taifa Stars, pamoja na klabu ya Simba, Costa Victor Nampoka ‘Nyumba’. Anajaribu kuuweka vyema mguu wake wa kulia ambao bado umefungwa bandeji gumu (POP) baada ya kuvunjia mazoezini takribani mwezi mmoja na nusu uliopita.
“Hakuna shaka, Dar es Salaam ni moja na hakuna sehemu unayoweza kusema ni mbali,” namjibu kumpa matumaini.
“Hapana! Pamoja na ukweli kwamba mkoa kazini, lakini naamini uamua kufunga safari mpaka kuja kuniona ni jambo kubwa sana. Mngeweza hata kuniuliza maendeleo yangu kwa njia ya simu. Sina budi kushukuru kwa kuja kunijulia hali,” anasema.
Mara anaingia dada mmoja mweupe hivi ambaye anaketi pamoja na Costa kwenye kochi moja. Costa mwenyewe anamtambulisha kwamba ndiye mkewe, Dina, ambaye wamebahatika kuzaa naye watoto wawili; Victor Costa mwenye miaka miwili na Rio Costa mwenye mwaka 1.5. Anatukaribisha.
Anapoondoka namwambia ni jambo la kawaida kuwatembelea wagonjwa, na katika suala lake yeye ni mmoja wa watu waliotoa mchango mkubwa katika timu ya taifa ya soka ambayo sasa iko katika nafasi nzuri ya kufuzu kwa fainali za Mataifa ya Afrika mwakani ikiwa tu itashinda mechi yake ya mwisho.
“Nashukuru kusikia hivyo, lakini sura zinazokuja hapa daima ni zile nilizozizowea, yaani marafiki zangu na wachezaji wenzangu wa klabu ya Simba, labda na viongozi wa Simba,” anasema kwa huzuni.
“Una maana kwamba viongozi wa timu ya taifa na hata TFF huwa hawakutembelei?” nauliza.
Anasema tangu alipoumia siku tatu kabla ya Taifa Stars kupambana na Zambia katika mechi ya kirafiki na kupelekwa Muhimbili na daktari wa timu Shecky Mngazija, hajatembelewa wala kujuliwa hali hata kwa simu na kiongozi yeyote yule wa chombo hicho cha juu cha soka nchini.
Anaongeza kwamba, ni wachezaji wenzake wa Simba ndio baadhi yao huwa wanawasiliana naye pamoja na viongozi na marafiki wa klabu ambao wameonekana kumjali vya kutosha kiasi cha kutuma gari kila siku katika mechi zote ambazo Simba ilicheza kwenye hatua ya Sita Bora ya Ligi ya Mpito hadi fainali.
“Kwa kweli viongozi wa klabu yangu wananijali sana na sina budi kuwashukuru,” anasema. Kama vile amekumbuka kitu, anasema anamshukuru pia mtu mmoja wa Benki ya NMB anayeitwa Kajura (Imani Kajura ambaye ni Meneja Masoko).
“Huyu jamaa baada ya kutoa zawadi za shilingi 500,000 kwa kila mchezaji kutokana na timu ya Taifa kushinda kule Burkina Faso, alinipigia simu kuniambia nilitakiwa kwenda kusaini fomu za akaunti. Nikamwambia sina hata pesa ya nauli na kwa jinsi ninavyoumwa nisingeweza kupanda daladala, lakini akaniambia nichukue teksi nay eye angelipa. Namshukuru sana,” anasema.
Hata hivyo, amewaasa wachezaji wengine; wa klabu na hata timu ya taifa, kwamba pindi watakapoumia na kushindwa kujuliwa hali na viongozi wao wasife moyo bali hiyo iwe changamoto kwao kufanya vizuri watakaporejea uwanjani.
“Binafsi sina kinyongo na yeyote. Naomba Mungu nipone nirejee uwanjani, ikibidi niliwakilishe taifa langu, kwa sababu natambua kwamba timu ya Taifa ni ya Watanzania wote wala si ya mtu mmoja. Naamini Watanzania milioni kadhaa wako pamoja na mimi na hata walipojua kwamba nimeumia walinitumia meseji za pole zaidi ya 3,000, hata sijui walikoipata namba yangu,” anasema.

Kuvunjika mguu
Costa anasema kwamba walikuwa kwenye mazoezi kama kawaida kwenye uwanja wa Karume, akauzuia mpira bila kumkwatua ama kukwatuliwa, kisha akaserereka.
“Ghafla nikasikia maumivu makali sana, ikabidi wajaribu kuniganga pale, lakini yalipozidi wakanikimbiza Muhimbili. Huko nikaambiwa kwamba nimevunjika mfupa mdogo wa mguu wa kulia. Sikuwa na jinsi, wakanifunga hogo (bandeji gumu – POP) na kusema kwamba nirudi baada ya wiki sita,” anasema kwa majonzi.
Anasema kwamba, baada ya kutolewa kwa bandeji hilo ndipo atakapojua kama atakuwa nje ya uwanja kwa muda gani, kwani mpaka sasa hajaanza hata kuukanyangia mguu huo.
Akasema kuvunjika mguu kumemnyima nafasi ya kuliwakilisha taifa, na zaidi kumechelewesha kutimia kwa ndoto zake kwani pengine hivi sasa angeweza kuwa Afrika Kusini kujaribu kucheza soka ya kulipwa akiwa njiani kwenda cheza Ulaya.
“Kuna wakala mmoja ambaye kwa muda mrefu sasa amekuwa akinufuatilia, yuko Afrika Kusini, na alikwenda Burkina Faso kunitazama, lakini mimi sikuwepo. Ilikuwa niende Afrika Kusini kufanya majaribio na naamini ningewea kufanikiwa,” anasema mchezaji huyo.
Anasema kwamba, alikuwa na matumaini ya kufuzu kwa sababu soka ya Afrika Kusini haina tofauti na ya huku, tena hakuwa mgeni baada ya kucheza kwa muda nchini humo miaka mitatu iliyopita.
“Wanachotuzidi kule ni promosheni, televisheni zinajitahidi sana kuonyesha mpira hata wa daraja la tatu, na hiyo inamsaidia mchezaji kutazama na kuona wapi alipokosea ili kujirekebisha, ama afanye nini kuongeza jitihada,” anasema.
Anaongeza kwamba alishindwa kuendelea kucheza huko kwa sababu klabu aliyokuwa akiichezea wakati ule ya Marlasburg (Tembas) iliyokuwa daraja la kwanza mwaka 2005 ikiwa chini ya kocha wa zamani wa Simba Trott Moloto, iliinunua klabu moja iliyokuwa ligi kuu. Ikabidi wachezaji wa timu hizo wachekechwe, na majungu ndipo yakaibuka ambapo Moloto, ambaye ndiye aliyemfanyia mpango wa kwenda huko, akamgeuka. Ikabidi afungashe virago kurejea.
Hata hivyo, anasema kwamba ndoto zake bado hazijafutika, kwani anaamini anaweza kucheza Ulaya bila matatizo yoyote, na zaidi anasema angependa siku moja avae ‘uzi’ wa Manchester United akicheza pembeni ya Rio Ferdnand ambaye uchezaji wake unamvutia kiasi cha kumwitia mwanawe mdogo jina hilo kutokana na kumhusudu.
Akizungumzia nafasi ya Taifa Stars kufuzu kwa fainali za Mataifa ya Afrika mwakani, Costa (25) ambaye ni mtoto wa nne katika familia ya watoto watano wa mzee Victor Nampoka – wawili wanawake na watatu wanaume, anasema kwamba nafasi ipo, lakini mechi ya mwisho dhidi ya Msumbiji ni ngumu sana.
“Ile mechi ni kama fainali na inabidi maandalizi ya nguvu yafanyike pengine kuliko mechi zote zilizotangulia. Msumbiji ni wazuri sana kuliko hata Burkina Faso, na ina nafasi ya kufuzu ikiwa itashinda na Senegal wakafungwa, hivyo Watanzania tusibweteke bali tujiandae vizuri,” anasema huku akisikitika kwamba anaweza kuikosa mechi hiyo pia ikiwa ataambiwa apumzike.
Akizungumzia kuhusu maendeleo ya soka, mlinzi huyo anasema kwamba hakuna kitakachoinua zaidi ya soka la vijana, na kuongeza kwamba mashindano ya Copa Coca Cola yawe chachu wa klabu na wadau mbalimbali kuanza kuibua vipaji.
“Kule Brazil tulikokwenda kuna taasisi ya soka ya watoto wadogo. Watoto wanatoka nchi mbalimbali kwenda kufundishwa mpira, na wazazi wao wanalipia wastani wa dola 1,500 kwa mwezi ili watoto wao wajue mpira. Tusione wenzetu wamepiga hatua tukadhani kwamba ni miujiza, wamewekeza.
“Watanzania wanapaswa kuunga mkono juhudi za maendeleo ya soka ya vijana, kuanzia kwa wazazi, ambao wanapaswa kuwapa ‘sapoti’ watoto wao ikiwa ni pamoja na kuwapatia vifaa vya michezo na nauli ya kwenda mazoezini,” anaongeza.
Costa aliyemaliza elimu ya msingi mwaka 1994 Kinondoni Hananasif, jijini Dar es Salaam na kuungana na maelfu ya watoto ambao hawakufanikiwa kuchaguliwa kujiunga na sekondari, amewashauri wachezaji kuachana na anasa na kwamba wawe na malengo kama kweli wanataka kupiga hatua katika mchezo huo.
“Sijafanikiwa sana, lakini niseme ukweli kwamba nimejiepusha na mambo mengi. Sivuti sigara wala bangi, halafu niliacha kitambo kunywa pombe, tena basi nilikuwa nikinywa bia mbili ama tatu tu, lakini sasa sitaki kabisa nahitaji kukazana kwenye mpira ambao pekee ndio mwokozi wangu katika maisha,” anamalizia.

Wasifu:
Jina: Costa Victor Nampoka
Kuzaliwa: Oktoba 11, 1982, Dar es Salaam.
Umri: 25

Klabu za awali:
Five Star Kinondoni, Mkunguni FC Ilala, Eleven FC Buguruni, Saddam FC na International FC za Kinondoni.
Taifa Jang’ombe – Zanzibar (1998 – 1999)
Forodha Zanzibar (2000 – 2001)
Mtibwa Sugar (2002)
Simba (2003 – 2004)
Marlsburg – Afrika Kusini (2005)
Simba (2006 – mpaka sasa).